Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
