with your own penis?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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