we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
