I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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