I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
