You're my little dorito
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
