you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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