I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
