I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
