decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize