we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
