Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
