You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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