I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
