ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
