he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
