I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
