Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
