We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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