Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize