the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize