worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
