Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
