i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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