dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
