What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize