No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
