Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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