it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
