Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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