I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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