Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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