He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
