I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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