i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
