Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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