she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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