I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize