Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
