u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there is glitter all over my balls
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
