Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later