Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...