It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?