The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.