Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.