Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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