Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
