Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
