My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
