She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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