I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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