I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
