Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
