someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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