smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
