She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
