So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
