Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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