He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
