i would punch a child for taco bell
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
