he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
